Fostering Sibling + Cousin Love with Evolving Traditions

 I LOVE my three sisters.  We are all different, but have always been really close.  Growing up, we didn’t have sibling traditions or Instagram created holidays to nourish this relationship. Yes, we grew up well before the creation of days like “national doughnut day” (although we fully embraced “Paczki Day”!)  But I digress.  My sisters and I, we have strong ties. 

 Maybe it was the boredom, in a small town, with semi-strict parents.  Maybe that circumstance allowed us to creatively spend our time together.  Maybe it was the shared experience as children of immigrants.  Maybe it was because we were all girls who kept each other laughing.  Maybe it was the hair-pulling fights (usually my hair being pulled by one twin on each side) or the arguments over clothes and the resolutions thereafter that kept us close.  Or maybe it was the silly junk food creations we would sneakily make together when Mom and Dad were asleep.  It was not purposeful or celebrated through traditions, but the bond fortunately stuck.  Jay has a brother, who he has always been buddies with as well.  And when Jay and I became parents, we always said – we hope our kids have that bond too. We worried about it more when we found out Annika would have a brother.

 Since early childhood the idea of nourishing traditions in our modern-day family has been important.  Our children’s pre-K teacher (remember Ms. Barbara from my earlier posts? She is kind of a recurring voice in the back of my head) embedded that value in us through daily meal rituals, holiday celebrations, and inspiring me to re-create cultural traditions that I could comfortably pass on based on my beliefs.  While traditions can often be antiquated, we try to incorporate feminist ideology, justice, and fairness into the re-creation and creation of new traditions. The common denominator of all traditions, antiquate or not, is, after all, LOVE!  And  so every August, we celebrate “sibling and cousin love” by evolving the tradition of “Rakhi” or “Raksha Bhandan”. 

Traditionally, sisters tie Rakhi (a string-tied bracelet) around their brother’s wrist.  Growing up, my dad’s sisters (my foi’s) would send Rakhis in the mail all the way from India every August.  And every summer, my sisters and I served as their proxies and tied Rakhis on our dad.  Except once, when Meena Foi was visiting for Seema’s wedding! After Annika was born, she would also proxy for Jay’s dad’s sisters too!

 Over the years, we have harmonized that tradition in our growing family: brothers and sisters tie Rakhis to each other.  This gesture symbolizes the love and respect they have for each other.  It also represents a promise to always look out for each other. 

 With Xander being the youngest (and always the baby) in the California crew, we also use it as an opportunity to empower him and show gratitude to the three lovely young women who have always had his back and cared for him.  So, he puts his pen to paper and writes gratitude notes to his sister and cousin sisters.  Over the years, the children have traded both hand-made bracelets and the more traditional Indian red-string bracelets. 

This year, Sofi and Surina made bracelets.  Annika and Xander shopped at “Puravida” for bracelets where the proceeds went to animal welfare projects. 

They all ceremoniously blessed one another over candlelight with rice and sindoor powder.  The rituals change slightly as they age.  And even as I write this I am inspired to make another change next year – sisters tie Rakhis and write words of gratitude to each other too.  Not sure why we didn’t incorporate that one sooner!

 But before we get to next year, this year was special for another reason. 

After our Rakhi ceremony, we all went to dinner to celebrate my father’s 79th birthday (my dad’s birthday often falls on the same day as Raksha Bhandan, followed by Shan’s and Xander’s birthday soon thereafter). 

 At dinner that night, there were no cell phones.  The four – now teenage kids – sampled delicious bites together.  Talked.  And played dinner table games with belly-aching laughter.  I was lucky enough to be seated next to them and witness that pure childhood joy they experienced pre-cellphone, pre-school stress,  and pre-young adult worries (and joined in a few times too).  

All-in-all, the evolution and re-invention of traditions is totally worth it.  And even better, without today’s distractions!  Next year, I hope all the Parekh’s can gather to celebrate cousin love AND my dad’s 80th Birthday!  Blessings on all our Parekh-Shah siblings and cousins.  May they carry on, re-create, and evolve these traditions in ways that nourish them.  And may their bonds, be as strong as ours!